Fleishapalooza?!

Well folks,

The last week and a half has been pretty eventful.  Last weekend was Lollapalooza, the iconic music festival in Chicago.  Many amazing artists, and more importantly I, were there. This was followed by the first Republican GOP debate on Tuesday, where the top 10 polling candidates valiantly fought for the hearts of America onstage.

Now, I don’t intend to make any bullshit reviews a part of my blog. However, I’m going to make it my responsibility to keep all 3 of my loyal followers well informed on the political ongoings of the 2016 election.

What does that have to do with Lollapalooza, you ask?  Nothing.  I just want to brag.  It’s ok because I’m direct about it.

We’ll go in chronological order and start with Lollapalooza.  Lollapalooza was the most amazing drug-fueled orgy I’ve ever been to in my life.  The music was rocking, the calf workout was real, and the security was looser than my friend Ellen’s asshole after the football team wins homecoming.  Here is the breakdown.

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Highlights

Magic Mike making a guest appearance on every set I went to.  Yeah, Magic Mike.  You work that fucking pole you stud.

A$AP Rocky taking a break from rapping to do some beat poetry about Mother Nature

The Charmin Ultra: 4 Ply Extreme Comfort Max stage

Cocaine

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Lowlights

Metallica taking a nap break halfway through their set

They didn’t let me perform onstage

Vodka tamponing led to tequila PMSing

The Preparation H stage

Cocaine

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Quotes

“Ringo was easily the star of the Beatles.” – Paul McCartney

“I want Kid Cudi to play his newer music” – no one

“I love you Ryan” – Marina of Marina and the Diamonds

“God is dead” – Young Thug

“John Cena is my favorite wrestler of all time” – FKA Twigs

“Alright stop, collaborate and listen. Ice is back with a brand new mission.” – Travi$ Scott

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Ok, I could make a quote page all day.  This is great.

Anyways, I’m tired and this article turned out longer than expected so the GOP debate gets its own piece, hopefully tomorrow.

Till next time!

p.s. Sorry for the janky page breaks, formatting is hard