Hello, friends. Public Service Announcement: Ryan did not shit his pants at summer camp.
That’s right folks, the proverbial cat is out of the bag. Plenty of other people go poo in their pants at least once at summer camp, but Ryan isn’t one of those people. Not once during his week-long sojourn at a Boy Scout summer camp did fecal matter make contact with Ryan’s underpants, let alone his pants!
This feat is especially impressive in light of the fact that Ryan persevered through diarrhea-inducing camp food and incredibly distant bathrooms. While that one time where he was on waiter duty but seriously needed to excrete his bowels was a close call, Ryan did not shit himself then use his hands to physically hold his shit while he waddled to the bathroom.
He proceeded to not leave any shit-stained underwear on the bathroom floor then return, commando and crestfallen, to his tent.
Multiple sources lauded Ryan and his anus for their effort and bravery at summer camp. One camper, who is not Ryan, even said “Ryan truly is the coolest kid I know. He doesn’t shit his pants, not even once! I bet he can lift more weight than me, and also gets tons of girls.”
When asked about his achievements, Ryan said “Not shitting myself comes naturally to me. I am simply happy to spend time with fellow campers in shit-free pants.”