In the midst of his hugely successful Super Tuesday results from Alabama through Virginia, Donald Trump has released an entirely new design of his presidential campaign banner.
“The Trump campaign is proud of our new campaign banner, as it combines the patriotic red, white, and blue colors with the great Trump reputation,” said an anonymous staff member on the Trump campaign.  We tried to identify said staff member, but we could not recognize his face beneath the white robe he was wearing.

“This flag sends the message of American strength and unity that Donald Trump supports.  Back in our forefathers’ day, this symbol was the battle flag for our rights.  Now, it is once again our flag in the same battle.”  Said the staff member, unprompted.

Donald Trump himself is the foremost supporter of his new campaign banner, saying that it represents his drive to make America great again.  “You see that cross?  In the middle?  The Cross?  That cross is the best symbol.  It’s strong, it’s powerful.  A cross is an amazing shape, and all the other shapes are for losers.  America isn’t great right now.  But we can make it great.  This banner shows us the way.”

The public has immediately reacted in rage and disgust to Trump’s new banner, due to its striking resemblance to the Confederate flag.  People have decried the banner as a symbol of hate and white supremacy, and as representative of Trump’s racist message.  More radical left-wing activists argue that the Confederate flag banner is just the beginning of a deluge of hateful actions spawned by Trump.

Trump, however, has not taken these claims lying down.  In response to allegations of racism, Trump said “I don’t know anything about what you’re even talking about with white supremacy or white supremacists.”  He goes on to defend his new banner design, stating “Honestly, I don’t know the Confederate flag. I don’t believe I’ve ever seen it. I’m pretty sure I didn’t see it. And I just don’t know anything about it.”  Trump continued to defend his choice of banner, saying that “The blacks, the fats, even the gypsies love my banner.  Alright?  Okay?  They love me.”

At press time, Donald Trump has recalled the banner design with the intention of adding a swastika or two.

 

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