After searching through pirating websites for Kanye’s new album to download illegally, I have decided that Kanye’s The Life of Pablo is the best virus of all time. This conclusion was drawn after approximately 5 hours of technological struggle against what I perceived as an album, ending with an operating system reboot.

“It was clear that this virus stood out among the others when my album file had an entire installer attached,” said college student Danny Robbins, who has been forced to use a knock-off search engine website that redirects to Microsoft Bing as his default homepage for the last week. “The Life of Pablo, or TLOP, came with so many individual malignant software that my computer got serious lag problems from the installation.”

TLOP displays revolutionary new virus trends by combining under-the-radar Trojan viruses with blatantly undesired programs. Victims’ computers contain everything from PC Speeder, an odd-looking circle thing that most likely does not speed one’s PC in the slightest, to Poc-Dude, a copy of the classic Pac-man game but with an inverted color scheme.

My favorite song of the album is the chiptune-dubstep hybrid that has been playing since my torrent finished.  I can’t find the program that plays the song, so I’ve been listening to it on loop for a week.

Social media has raised their proverbial pitchforks against some of the perceived misogynistic elements of TLOP.  This backlash started in response to the multiple pop-up advertisements saying “Taylor Swift Nude!!! She Horny and Want Your Help!!!!”  When questioned, Taylor Swift said she was not horny, and most definitely does not want my help.  In addition, The Center For Identity and Inclusion has decried the lack of non-hetero-normative porn forcibly downloaded onto victims’ computers.

At press time, The Life Of Pablo has received worldwide acclaim as the new premier malware, taking first place from McAfee Security.

By the way, does anyone know where I can buy a new laptop?


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