CORAL GABLES, FL– Citing his recent lack of campaign funding and continual drop in polling, GOP presidential candidate Jeb Bush announced this Friday that he has taken up stripping at the local Pink Oyster Cult to support his campaign.  “The race for the candidacy has been truly brutal over the last couple months, and my best answer to Iowa is selling my body to strangers,” said Bush, describing his sexually-charged dance routines crafted to maintain pace with competitors such as Rubio and Trump.  “Marco Rubio has campaign set out for him.  His pretty little face might earn him large donations easily, but older men like me have to work for those singles.  He can look good on the podium all day, but I know how to work the pole like none other.”  At press time, a scantily-clad Bush was reportedly giving a personalized lap dance to both Koch brothers while receiving hundred dollar bills.

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