After careful deliberation among the entire group stationed inside the federal building, the armed protesters have decided the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge was not the optimal target for forced takeover in order to inspire change in the government.  “Honestly, I don’t think anyone gives a shit about the wildlife refuge, so I have no idea who decided to come here in the first place,” said protest manager Cleetus Dickjoy, who realized the flaw in his group’s plan while watching a beaver hit a deer with its muscular beaver tail until the deer fell over.  “Why didn’t we take over an important federal building, like the the Post Office or Department of Motor Vehicles?”  At press time, the entire militia has relocated to an armed occupation of the local Denny’s, where they are demanding a Grand Slam Breakfast for every rancher.


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