In the current job market, interviews serve as an integral part of the hiring process and a unique opportunity to set yourself apart from other candidates. Here are some crucial tips for landing your dream job.
- Bring your mother and/or father with you. Your parents serve as a great resource to vouch for your diligence, professionalism, and “handsome little face”.
- Try to incorporate slang words into your vocabulary. Terms such as ‘swag’ and ‘bee’s knees’ show a familiarity with the younger generation that employers value greatly.
- Remember: the employer isn’t interviewing you. You are interviewing yourself.
- Do some research on your interviewer beforehand. Relevant information includes waist size, first crush, middle school reputation, and preferred sleeping position.
- Make constant physical contact with your interviewer. Doing so establishes a meaningful connection that your interviewer will deeply value.
- Take the initiative by telling your interviewer the most intimate details of your life unprompted.
- Never directly answer questions. Instead, spend a large amount of time making roundabout statements that have no real meaning
- Play up your involvement in your local BDSM club. Dominance in the bedroom equates to dominance in the workplace.
- If you need to use the bathroom during the interview, invite your interviewer to come along. Conversely, volunteer to join your interviewer if he/she uses the facilities.
- Make sure your interviewer knows that you won a 1st place medal in your 3rd grade Pee-Wee soccer league.